So now you're dead. What happens next? Well, it depends how well you planned ahead. Whether you know it or not, you have inevitably changed the course of your family. I'm not just talking about the funeral, the tears, the baked goods from neighbors and friends, but the subsequent actions of your family on your behalf.
You're dead. You don't care. That's fine...just care enough when you're alive to get a will. All morbidity and sad thoughts aside, get one. It's fine to shove it away and never think about it again. Unless you want to amend it, in which case by all means do.
From my recent experiences with deaths over the past few years in our family (immediate and extended), I think it's important to say a few things, regardless of whether only my eight followers read this and gain some insight.
With the trailer being sold, and my grandmother, mother, aunt, and I finishing up the estate of my late stepgrandfather, writing about this (and it will be a study in contrasts) feels about as cathartic as if I had taken a sledgehammer to the mobile home myself. Because that's how I felt, and still feel, when I think of that place.
In 2008, my grandfather, and later in 2009 my uncle, on my father's side passed away. As I've mentioned in previous blogs and on my youtube channel (jackpbradley28, by the way, if you're interested), our family then had to deal with "the fallout." So have many, I'm sure, but I doubt many openly talk about it. I don't know. I'd like to think we did our best, but I don't know. I offer my experiences for your perusal.
When we got down to the trailer, after my grandfather and later after my uncle passed away, we had an enormous amount of work to do. The first question, with regard to my grandfather: was there a will? The answer was no. This meant a few things. First, my grandfather who did not have one, did not care enough to have the foresight to realize that he would die someday, and others would have to "clean up" after him in terms of ordering his affairs.
Secondly, it meant that someone (my father, as it turns out, at the gentle prodding of my mother) would have to serve as administrator since my grandfather died in testate (without a will). Do you know what else this meant? It meant that all chattel, other real estate, and any other assets would be split four ways between my father, his two sisters, and his two brothers (one of whom would die a little more than a year later).
Not only that, but what about last wishes? My grandfather ended up having his funeral mass in my home parish (somewhere he had never attended in his life) with a stranger saying his eulogy based on information from his relatives. It's not that I resented him having his funeral at our church, but it was just weird. It was a little embarrassing actually, to see our pastor speak about a man he had never met, simply because our pastor, John Hynes, was a good man.
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| St. Catherine of Siena, Wilmington, DE |
The bottom line, though, is that our family had to guess at what my grandfather might have wanted, and we had to clean out his home in Millsboro, DE, and organize his affairs. What's worse, two years later, when my uncle died (he and my grandfather had lived in the same home), he didn't have a will either. This means, to me, that despite the aggravation by my father at having to be administrator, neither he nor his siblings cared enough to make sure that we didn't have to go through a guessing at final wishes and a splitting of assets again by an administrator.
So my father was administrator, part two. And it caused him just as much if not more aggravation than before. There was no will from my uncle. Again, we had to guess at his last wishes. He funeral was not at St. Catherine of Siena, like my grandfather, but at St. John's nearby. Had he ever attended St. John's? No. Had he ever previously met the priest who ended up giving his eulogy? No. As usual, weird, but we did our best.
After my uncle died, then we had to go down to the same home and clean out his chattel. It was a nightmare. I was even there on my birthday once, with my brother, cleaning it out because they had left that much crap.
The trailer, by the way, finally sold. Yes, I did get paid for my services, as did my brother. I felt well compensated; however, the fact that we had to do all that work in the first place, in addition to the work and aggravation my father had to deal with as administrator (twice!) is something I look back on and shudder. It makes me ill to think about it. Although, I am proud of us for getting it done and thrilled I never have to set foot in Millsboro ever again. 
But what it did teach me, however, was the importance of having a will. A Health Care Directive. A Power of Attorney. It is absolutely necessary and after a second instance of having no will two family members in a row, my mom asked me to get one. Yes, I did put it off, but I finally got one and I feel much better knowing my final wishes will be honored and that I have actually designated people in my family to receive monies and possessions after my death so there is no need for an administrator, only an executor.
Before you go through life either never thinking about it or putting it off until it's too late, get one. It will be easier. For mine, I called the firm that handled the closing when I bought my house. They sent me a survey to fill out, and I did. The will was written in a week. I went in to the law firm, went through the will, health care directive, and power of attorney (only $450), signed it, and voila! I've already done more planning for the future of my relatives after my death than two adults in their 60s and 70s had done their whole lives. I'm not trying to sound high and mighty, but think of others. Even if you think you don't need to get a will.
My sister Eileen, if she's reading this, is my executrix. I have split my money and property equally between her and my brother per stirpes (meaning any offspring they have should they predecease me, receive my property after I am gone). I then went on to name my cousins per stirpes should anything happen to my brother, sister, their offspring, or all three. It's an easy contingency plan and it helps take care of future generations by leaving them something so they can make their lives better. My parents have the same clauses in their wills for us.
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| Per stirpes |
Finally, I have been working tirelessly to help finish the estate of my step-grandfather, in conjunction with my grandmother (executrix), mother, and aunt. And as much as I was angry with him for the diversity and quantity of his assets, some large and some small, he did the will one better. He established a living trust. This is different from a will (although it can accompany it, as in his case) in that probate is subverted altogether. Taxes are more lenient. It is sensible and I applaud him because, although the task of putting together his assets and presenting them on the tax return was difficult, the end result was easier.
The deaths of my uncle and grandfather were unfortunate, but the amount of work that was to be done sadly leaves me looking back on them as a bit selfish and lazy. Sorry, but that's how I feel. Furthermore, the fact that their family did not encourage them to get wills, nor did they help us in any way with the cleanup of the trailer (I'm looking at you, children of Pop-pop, excluding my father). But lest I get angry again for no reason let us move on.
Wills are great to have because your final wishes will be honored. It means you care enough about your family to make sure they have some (however small) financial stability in the future. Trusts are even better. As I part, I offer these last bits of advice.
1) Get a will, power of attorney (so someone can act for you in the event of your incapacitation), and health care directive (to avoid a Terry Schiavo situation).
2) Make a trust, if possible.
3) Keep your house in good order. Even though you might be dead, your relatives will resent it if they have to clean out every single bit of stuff you have because you were too lazy to throw out those stacks of old magazines, those cans you were saving but never got around to recycling, those old shoes you didn't wear but had just in case, or whatever it is.
4) Always be eliminating what you don't need. Don't let it pile up. If you die and you're related to me, I will be angry with you. I will curse you under my breath, and out loud when no one is around.
5) Keep track of your assets and put passwords and bank account numbers and other pertinent information somewhere hidden, but somewhere someone could find it if you suddenly ceased to exist.
Thanks for reading!!
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