B/C movies and TV shows: Funny Quotes (To me)

I have very eclectic taste in movies and tv.  I have seen tons of movies and shows over the years and can rattle off quotes, scenes, actors, roles, and more useless trivia. 

Thanks to TBS and other cable channels, lots of ok movies are on all the time.  But it's these that I love the most because even though they are what most people would consider to be mediocre or bad, the writers have some gems in their dialogue.  Below are some of my favorite quotes from B/C movies, among other miscellaneous tv quotes that are my favorites.

I didn't write the quotes and they do not reflect any of my opinions.  Or do they?



Nick Brady: Bottomless breadsticks only keep you at the Olive Garden for so long, until at some point you look up and say 'Why the hell am I at the Olive Garden with all these fat people?'

Nick Brady: Diora? I believe that's Italian for 'beautiful princess'.
Diora: No.
Nick Brady: Well it should be, I'm calling the dictionary people.

Nick Brady: How'd you two crazy kids meet, Rick?
Dr. Rick: It's a funny story actually. Our parents knew each other from way back... and they introduced us.
Shawn Colfax: Whoo. Not that funny a story. Not even a story really, just like a fact.
Fired Up!

Samantha James: You and I are gonna be the greatest musical manager team since Jessica Simpson and her father only you and I get to "mreow" and they can't, 'cause it's illegal. I looked it up.
Just Friends

Vivian: Nice outfit.
Elle: Oh, I like your outfit too, except when I dress up as a frigid bitch, I try not to look so constipated.

Margot: Here, you're gonna need this.
Elle: Your scrunchie?
Margot: My LUCKY scrunchie. It helped me pass Spanish.
Serena: You passed Spanish because you gave Professor Montoya a lap dance after the final.
Margot: Yeah... Luckily!
Legally Blonde 

Shelley: Carrie Mae, you need to be more mysterious.  Now get back over there and talk to those guys.
Carrie Mae: Do you guys know where the crapper is? I have to do a *very mysterious* thing in there...

Shelley: Instead of the Mahi-Mahi, can I get just the one Mahi, because I'm not that hungry?
The House Bunny 

Amber Atkins: [Running onto the scene of her and her mom's blown up trailer home] Mom? MOM?
Fireman: Whoa, whoa, whoa... you family?
Loretta: No, she's just yelling, "Mom, mom," because she has Tourettes! She's Annette's kid dipshit.
Drop Dead Gorgeous 

"I don't know why Francine's always mad at me for always being right.  I don't get mad at her for always being wrong."

"We can't choose our fathers, but we can choose our father figures. I chose my mother. That set me back a bit."

Francine: How's everyone's French toast?
Stan: Smelly and ungrateful. But this American toast is delicious!
American Dad



Chris: What do you do at a Young Republicans meeting?
Alyssa: We help those who already have the means to help themselves. Also, we perpetuate the idea that Jesus chose America to destroy non-believers and brown people.
Chris: I don't know why, but I feel safer already.

Peter: Fox has one of those new reality shows at eight, 'Fast animals, slow children.'
Peter: Hey, Lois, look! The two symbols of the Republican party: an elephant and a big fat white guy who's threatened by change.

Brian: Hola, me llamo es Brian ... Nosotros queremos ir con ustedes.. uhhhh ...
Bellboy (Spanish): Hey, that was pretty good, except when you said "me llamo es Brian," you don't need the "es," just me llamo Brian.
Brian: Oh, oh you speak English!
Bellboy (sigh): No, just that first speech and this one explaining it.
Brian: You .... you're kidding me, right?
Bellboy (Spanish): Que?
Brian: Oh my god! They're eating Asian reporter Tricia Takanawa! 
Peter: That's crazy...they'll just be hungry again in an hour.
Family Guy




I'm tired, maybe more to come another day.  Last question: can anyone identify this show from the quote?

You can lead a herring to water, but you have to walk really fast or he'll die.