My Heckler

Happy 2012 everyone!

Soon enough, I knew it would happen. When you upload public videos for everyone to see, you'll eventually get that one loser who trolls the Internet for said videos so they can trash the people in them and make asinine comments.

So this blog is about hecklers and my thoughts on them, including how to handle them.

Comedians and celebrities deal with hecklers and naysayers constantly.  You know the type.  The loser who is probably in their 30s or 40s, is unemployed, lives in mommy and daddy's basement playing World of War Craft all day, and trolling the Internet trying to make fun of other people because they aren't happy with who they are.

My heckler goes by the handle MikeDitka100 and posted several nasty comments about my videos and me personally.  Words can hurt, but you've got to get over it.  If you don't like the YouTube channel, change it, bitch.  I'm looking at you MikeDitka100.

Hecklers are an interesting breed.  My guy decided to post several comments and click "dislike" on many videos, presumably around midnight so that I would see them Christmas Eve morning.  But thankfully I saw them as they were posted, so it didn't upset me too much once I got over the initial shock.

Hecklers aim for below the belt, personal attacks on you because they're not happy with their own lives.  I am happy with my life.  I have a great family, friends, a house, and a job.  Pretty much the American Dream, right?

So I wonder about MikeDitka100.  Does he fit the stereotypical characteristics of what I described regarding cyber hecklers, or is he someone who was not loved as a child, like Voldemort?

I was at a comedy show in Atlantic City recently where there was this one heckler whose last name was McGedigan who would not leave this one comic alone.  The comic employed techniques in response that left this kid, who was celebrating his bachelor party, almost in tears.  It was great to see him get his comeuppance and be embarrassed in front of the whole crowd, as in the clip above.

There's no need to personally attack the heckler; just attack their logic.  When they're calling you names like asshole or bitch, they're just resorting to the negative to try to tear you down. Ask them: and so what if I am wearing an Eagles shirt with cats in the background in a house?  To me that says I am successful and have pets and a house.

You've gotta have thick skin and realize that these people (admit it, we all encounter hecklers in our everyday lives) have no life and are basically using the only comeback they know because they are stupid losers: "Are too, nanny nanny boo boo!"  It's funny to see how pathetic they are.

So I guess don't let anyone tear you down.  You know how awesome you are and how awesome other people think you are.  That's all that matters. MikeDitka100 went away like the Internet troll he is but it's crazy what people will do for attention. Imagine, I actually took the time to write about it.

Have a great New Year's and I hope 2012 is a better year for everyone!

How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bathroom

We had our doubters.  Our naysayers.  Those who said it couldn't be done.  But damned if my brother and I didn't gut our bathroom and install the toilet.  The sink to come should be the easier part.

So it all started a few weeks ago when my brother and I decided (along with my mom) that we needed to do something about the bathroom downstairs.  It was out of date.  It was like something out of "The Brady Bunch" and since this is my house and I'll be living in it for the foreseeable future, we decided that we would replace the flooring, get rid of the old toilets and sink, and put in new ones.

A shopping trip (more like a couple, actually) to Lowe's ensued and eventually again, with style points going to my mother, we had everything that we needed to remodel a bathroom.  I'll admit that the stuff sat in the garage for a while, mainly because of my insanely busy work schedule.  Not getting home till 8:30 or 9 every night tends to make you want to be lazy for this couple hours you have in the evening until you have to get up early the next day and do it all over again.  And that usually includes Saturday.

Bathroom remodeling has been the subject of many sitcoms since sitcoms immemorial, and in each episode part of the physical humor and shtick is that it is impossible for the characters to do; ergo, they make a mess and eventually have to hire someone.  See the clip below from "The Golden Girls."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3_3xmrNPDMI

But, given the desire to save money in this economy, we decided that we would attempt to install it ourselves.  The first step was gutting the bathroom, which was actually kind of fun in that we got to take the toilet apart and the sink off the wall.  That was the easy part. Removing the old wax ring, however, was kind of gross.

Next, we had to open up the box to the new toilet and yes, all of the parts were there.  However, before we could install and make operational the new toilet, we had to lay down the new flooring which, as you can see, is black with patterns of small stones (like granite, I guess?).  Luckily this tiling had peel away paper on the back of it so it was simply a matter of cleaning the floor, drying it, and putting down the majority of the pieces.

Once the main parts of the floor were down, there was only a little bit of cutting involved to fill out the rest of the floor which was divided into slender, long rectangular pieces.  We then let that set and turned up the heat a little to melt the rest of the glue.

Next up, after installing the floor around the hole in it that makes a complete connection with the toilet, it was time to install the bottom part sans commode.  This was a little painstaking as there were some parts that had to be screwed in prior to putting the bolts in the holes in the floor, but once that was done and with some guidance of the bolts into those holes (which did take a while).

But then came the fun part.  To make sure that everything was set and the toilet level, I got to sit on top of it to try to use my weight to knock everything down into place.  I've lost some weight recently so it wasn't as easy as it used to be.  Just kidding.  Sort of.

However, we had to remove the water-on valve in order to use a ratchet once we turned it back on since we would be unable to spin it with the toilet where it was.  The toilet was in the only place it could be, so we had to remove the valve.

Next step was to put on the commode, which fit like a glove.  Put on the lid and Bob's your uncle.  Since we turned off the water after initially draining the toilet, we had to turn it back on.  Here came the real test and the point in this toilet project at which we wee the most nervous.  My brother went to the basement and I waited, towels in hand, in case something went wrong.

I heard the valve turn and the water rush, and to my surprise, I must admit, the toilet filled.  My brother and I were glad.  Now, to try the flush.  And you know what?  It flushed fine.  There was a little problem wherein we initially heard a whooshing sound of water every five minutes, but this was easily remedied by lifting up the lid of the commode and moving the ball unit a little.  No problems since.

So don't be daunted by home projects.  Even installing a toilet (painstaking sometimes, maybe) is not that difficult if you have someone to help you.  So my new slogan is this: Welcome to Jack's Depot.  You can do it.

It's the Economy, Stupid!

This mantra swept Bill Clinton and Al Gore to an upset victory over a president whose popularity tanked not only because of the bad economy but also because he was viewed as being out of touch with everyday Americans.  Oh yeah, and did I mention he also decided it would be a good idea not to visit hurricane victims in Florida until like a week after the storm?

As I've mentioned before, this generation has seen the worst downturn and seemingly perpetual gloomy economic outlook and environment since the Great Depression.  The media and other pundits have labeled our current climate as "The Great Recession," which I think is neither cute nor great.

Every day I think to myself, when the hell are we going to get back to the good old days of the 90s and aughts (I bet you didn't know that's what the decade from 2000-2009 was called, did you?) when the dotcom boom made millionaires overnight?

But, as crummy as the economic atmosphere is and as tired as we are all of it, there are ways around it.  I tire of the people I hear about who say they can't get jobs (and ergo make any money) and therefore are relying on unemployment benefits that will likely run out soon.  Jobs are not the only way to make money.  I'm not saying these people have easy access to jobs, because in most cases it's very difficult to get a job right now.  But we need to get back to what made America: creativity, ingenuity, and self-startedness.

 

What happened to traditional American characteristics?  We grew up learning about the American Dream: the ability to do anything and do well for yourself regardless of where you started socioeconomically.  So you can't find a job.  There are millions like you.  But that doesn't mean you shouldn't be thinking of other ways outside the strictures of the work-get paid-pay bills cycle.  So here is a list of a few ways to earn some extra cash in this rotten economy. 

Don't throw it away if you can make money off it!

When I lived in Worcester, every now and again I would clean out my apartment.  Any old furniture, books, or dvds I didn't think I would want any more, I would just leave at the end of the hall for others to take, which they almost always did.  I was more concerned with getting rid of unwanted things rather than thinking about how to cash in on them.

I'd even throw away my old cell phone once I got a new one.  In hindsight, especially since I was a student at the time, I could have tried to sell them on Amazon or Ebay and made some extra scratch. 

I learned my lesson and began selling things I didn't want any more.  Even yesterday, someone bought my Droid (who needs a Droid when you have a new iPhone 4S?) on Amazon and I netted $74.99.  No, it's not going to make me rich but it's money I didn't have before.  Hmm, $0 if I get rid of it and $74.99 if I sell it.   Tough choice.

There are plenty of things that you probably have around your apartment or house that you might be able to sell.  You may not get a ton of money for it, but if you sell a few dvds and let's say an old phone, you probably have enough money to pay your electric bill for the month. 

This also goes along with my idea of getting rid of that which you don't need.  If you haven't used it and don't plan on using it, sell it and make some cheese. 


Selling, Part 2: Don't use Craigslist

I learned this the hard way.  Initially (a few years ago) people on Craigslist were true to their word.  If you had something they wanted to buy and they set up an appointment with you, they came by.  But nowadays they are so inconsiderate of people's schedules that it is simply a waste of time.  Plus they try to lowball you on what is probably a reasonable price you set.   They're not the nicest people in the world, either.

Selling, Part 3: Consign it!

Consign-It Furniture is a store in Kennett Square, PA that I have used to unload a lot of stuff.  I have made probably close to $1000 with all of the things I have consigned there.  It is true that when you consign something, you are only getting a portion of the profit if it sells (60% in this case), but stores like these have experts there who know what sells and what doesn't (and they'll let you know, believe me). Most importantly, they know how to price the items. 

It's also a great place to find some terrific bargains, as the price of each item decreases 10% each month until the end of your contract, which is for three months.  Do you really have the time or want to spend it trying to sell furniture on CraigsList to people who are just trying to get you to lower your price and throw in something extra?  Are you really going to put an ad in the paper for that old desk you inherited from your grandmother and think it's time to part with?  Doubtful.  Consign it.  You get rid of stuff and you make money.

Be Creative!

In the United States, where is the most money made, if you can do it right?  In my opinion (I have nothing to back this opinion up, but I bet these are some of the top cash cows) it's all about movies and tv, books, or music.  If you have an idea, write about it.  In fact just this morning on the Jason Ellis Show (Sirius Starz

Not everyone is an artist but here's food for thought: do you have an interesting story to tell?  Has anything unique, death defying, ironic, hilarious, etc. ever happened to you?  Write about it!  The US has a ton of contests looking for short fiction.  If you go on Wikipedia, you can see the long list of feature films that were made from short stories and other forms of short fiction including "Apocalypse Now," "2001: A Space Odyssey," "Blade Runner," and "Total Recall," just to name a few. 

I'm writing a short novel about a week of events that took place in New York City when I was there one week 5 summers ago.  It's a unique story, it only happened to me, and I've told the story only twice to a few people I am very close to.  Each time, I held the attention of everyone in the room.  They had so many questions and were just utterly shocked at all that had happened.

That being said, I thought why not write about it?  I've seen enough movies and tv shows, and I've read enough books to know (at least I think) what makes a good story so I'm giving it a go.  Again, if you are reading this and want the URL, let me know. 

If you can't get a job, make one up

Back to the idea of the American dream: you can pilot your own life.  I know that sounds more like an infomercial than anything else, but it is true.   Create something for yourself to do.  If you like antiques, spend time doing research and yard sale hopping on the weekend.  How do you know when you'll buy something worth a lot of money from someone who's selling it on the cheap?

Invent a business for yourself involving something you love.  You could do odd jobs on the side--selling things on ebay or Amazon, jobs around the house, and oh yeah.  It doesn't matter.  As long as you're doing something you enjoy and are able to turn a profit, however small, it's worth it. 

Now get out there and be Americans...live the dream.  It's not dead yet.