I Died, So Now What?

So now you're dead.  What happens next?  Well, it depends how well you planned ahead.  Whether you know it or not, you have inevitably changed the course of your family.  I'm not just talking about the funeral, the tears, the baked goods from neighbors and friends, but the subsequent actions of your family on your behalf.

You're dead.  You don't care.  That's fine...just care enough when you're alive to get a will.  All morbidity and sad thoughts aside, get one.  It's fine to shove it away and never think about it again.  Unless you want to amend it, in which case by all means do.

From my recent experiences with deaths over the past few years in our family (immediate and extended), I think it's important to say a few things, regardless of whether only my eight followers read this and gain some insight. 

With the trailer being sold, and my grandmother, mother, aunt, and I finishing up the estate of my late stepgrandfather, writing about this (and it will be a study in contrasts) feels about as cathartic as if I had taken a sledgehammer to the mobile home myself.  Because that's how I felt, and still feel, when I think of that place.

In 2008, my grandfather, and later in 2009 my uncle, on my father's side passed away.  As I've mentioned in previous blogs and on my youtube channel (jackpbradley28, by the way, if you're interested), our family then had to deal with "the fallout." So have many, I'm sure, but I doubt many openly talk about it.  I don't know.  I'd like to think we did our best, but I don't know.  I offer my experiences for your perusal.

When we got down to the trailer, after my grandfather and later after my uncle passed away, we had an enormous amount of work to do.  The first question, with regard to my grandfather: was there a will?  The answer was no.  This meant a few things.  First, my grandfather who did not have one, did not care enough to have the foresight to realize that he would die someday, and others would have to "clean up" after him in terms of ordering his affairs.

Secondly, it meant that someone (my father, as it turns out, at the gentle prodding of my mother) would have to serve as administrator since my grandfather died in testate (without a will).  Do you know what else this meant?  It meant that all chattel, other real estate, and any other assets would be split four ways between my father, his two sisters, and his two brothers (one of whom would die a little more than a year later).

Not only that, but what about last wishes?  My grandfather ended up having his funeral mass in my home parish (somewhere he had never attended in his life) with a stranger saying his eulogy based on information from his relatives.  It's not that I resented him having his funeral at our church, but it was just weird.  It was a little embarrassing actually, to see our pastor speak about a man he had never met, simply because our pastor, John Hynes, was a good man.

St. Catherine of Siena, Wilmington, DE

The bottom line, though, is that our family had to guess at what my grandfather might have wanted, and we  had to clean out his home in Millsboro, DE, and organize his affairs.   What's worse, two years later, when my uncle died (he and my grandfather had lived in the same home), he didn't have a will either.  This means, to me, that despite the aggravation by my father at having to be administrator, neither he nor his siblings cared enough to make sure that we didn't have to go through a guessing at final wishes and a splitting of assets again by an administrator. 

So my father was administrator, part two. And it caused him just as much if not more aggravation than before.  There was no will from my uncle.  Again, we had to guess at his last wishes.  He funeral was not at St. Catherine of Siena, like my grandfather, but at St. John's nearby.  Had he ever attended St. John's?  No.  Had he ever previously met the priest who ended up giving his eulogy?  No.  As usual, weird, but we did our best. 

After my uncle died, then we had to go down to the same home and clean out his chattel.  It was a nightmare.  I was even there on my birthday once, with my brother, cleaning it out because they had left that much crap. 

The trailer, by the way, finally sold.  Yes, I did get paid for my services, as did my brother.  I felt well compensated; however, the fact that we had to do all that work in the first place, in addition to the work and aggravation my father had to deal with as administrator (twice!) is something I look back on and shudder.  It makes me ill to think about it.  Although, I am proud of us for getting it done and thrilled I never have to set foot in Millsboro ever again. 

But what it did teach me, however, was the importance of having a will.  A Health Care Directive.  A Power of Attorney.  It is absolutely necessary and after a second instance of having no will two family members in a row, my mom asked me to get one.  Yes, I did put it off, but I finally got one and I feel much better knowing my final wishes will be honored and that I have actually designated people in my family to receive monies and possessions after my death so there is no need for an administrator, only an executor.

Before you go through life either never thinking about it or putting it off until it's too late, get one.  It will be easier.  For mine, I called the firm that handled the closing when I bought my house.  They sent me a survey to fill out, and I did.  The will was written in a week.  I went in to the law firm, went through the will, health care directive, and power of attorney (only $450), signed it, and voila!  I've already done more planning for the future of my relatives after my death than two adults in their 60s and 70s had done their whole lives.  I'm not trying to sound high and mighty, but think of others.  Even if you think you don't need to get a will.

My sister Eileen, if she's reading this, is my executrix.  I have split my money and property equally between her and my brother per stirpes (meaning any offspring they have should they predecease me, receive my property after I am gone).  I then went on to name my cousins per stirpes should anything happen to my brother, sister, their offspring, or all three.  It's an easy contingency plan and it helps take care of future generations by leaving them something so they can make their lives better.  My parents have the same clauses in their wills for us.

Per stirpes


Finally, I have been working tirelessly to help finish the estate of my step-grandfather, in conjunction with my grandmother (executrix), mother, and aunt.  And as much as I was angry with him for the diversity and quantity of his assets, some large and some small, he did the will one better.  He established a living trust.  This is different from a will (although it can accompany it, as in his case) in that probate is subverted altogether.  Taxes are more lenient.  It is sensible and I applaud him because, although the task of putting together his assets and presenting them on the tax return was difficult, the end result was easier.

 The deaths of my uncle and grandfather were unfortunate, but the amount of work that was to be done sadly leaves me looking back on them as a bit selfish and lazy.  Sorry, but that's how I feel.  Furthermore, the fact that their family did not encourage them to get wills, nor did they help us in any way with the cleanup of the trailer (I'm looking at you, children of Pop-pop, excluding my father).  But lest I get angry again for no reason let us move on.

Wills are great to have because your final wishes will be honored.  It means you care enough about your family to make sure they have some (however small) financial stability in the future.  Trusts are even better.  As I part, I offer these last bits of advice.

1) Get a will, power of attorney (so someone can act for you in the event of your incapacitation), and health care directive (to avoid a Terry Schiavo situation).

2) Make a trust, if possible.

3) Keep your house in good order.  Even though you might be dead, your relatives will resent it if they have to clean out every single bit of stuff you have because you were too lazy to throw out those stacks of old magazines, those cans you were saving but never got around to recycling, those old shoes you didn't wear but had just in case, or whatever it is. 

4) Always be eliminating what you don't need.  Don't let it pile up.  If you die and you're related to me, I will be angry with you.  I will curse you under my breath, and out loud when no one is around. 

5) Keep track of your assets and put passwords and bank account numbers and other pertinent information somewhere hidden, but somewhere someone could find it if you suddenly ceased to exist.

Thanks for reading!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hn7KMIoU6NU&feature=relmfu

Corner Gas

For the past few weeks, before I go to bed, I have been watching episodes of a Canadian sitcom entitled "Corner Gas."  I watch these episodes on YouTube, which is great because it means I don't have to buy the full seasons of the DVDs only to resell them when I'm done.

Is anyone else like that about the TV shows they own on DVD?  I mean, you buy the show if you want to watch it, but honestly how many times do you really watch it again?  When you're looking in the DVD rack for something at home to watch, you smile when you see your collection of say, "Friends."  But you quickly move on to something else since you've seen the show.  While DVDs are great to own, I only keep those I truly know I'm going to watch again.



Back on topic, "Corner Gas" is a non-laughtrack Canadian sitcom that takes place in Dog River, Saskatchewan.  The cast is full of quirky and interesting townsfolk; some are educated, while others are not.  The main character, Brent (played by Brent Butt...what a name), tends to the gas station he and his parents (Oscar and Emma) own.  Also working at the gas station is the town's most educated resident, Wanda. 

The story opens with discussion about the death of a woman named Ruby, who ran a restaurant in Dog River.  Her "city slicker" niece Lacey comes in from Toronto to take over the place where her aunt left off.  The small-town rubes are put off by Lacey's cosmopolitan ways and initially consider her an outsider. She has difficulty fitting into Dog River.  That is, until the end of the first episode when she renames the diner "The Ruby" in honor of her aunt. 

I'd call it a cross between "Scrubs" and "30 Rock."  All of the episodes are self-contained and there are no overriding story arcs.  The characters all work well together, especially the comic relief of Hank Yarbo (Fred Ewanuick, who played "Clark" of "Your names are Clark and Darla?"  in "Just Friends").  He's the village idiot but always has a few great lines per episode. Always near Hank in some form are Brent's parents, Oscar and Emma.  Oscar is a spitfire old man who always has a problem with the way people treat him.  He was banned for life from the Dog River Miniature golf course because he didn't get a free game on the 18th hole, even though he was allowed to play for free.  He lovingly refers to most people as "jackass."

His wife, Emma, the more practical one, keeps him in check.  She always sees through his schemes and anger; she is able to either ignore him or put him in his place. 

Rounding out the cast are the town's only two police officers, Davis and Karen.  Though the town is small, they are  the law, whether it's directing traffic or trying to get cats out of trees.  Major stuff happens in Dog River, clearly.



The show itself is pretty clean in terms of its dialogue, and I'd consider it to be a less subtle version of "30 Rock."  The puns and innuendo on "Corner Gas" are mostly obvious, but you still have to think about it.  It often pokes fun at the eccentricities of the English language. It relies on clever wordplay, and frequently cut-aways, to make it funny.  For example, consider this exchange:

Hank Yarbo: So how's that new doctor guy?
Karen Pelly: Actually, "he" is a she.
Hank Yarbo: He's a transvestite?
Karen Pelly: No, she's a woman!
Hank Yarbo: It's a woman transvestite?

Its comedic timing is impeccable.  Don't be put off by the fact that it is Canadian (as we've seen with "Degrassi," Canada does have some good shows); it's funny, well-written, and there are plenty of running gags to keep the show interesting.

Lacey: Karen, I'm glad you're here. Look, we need to talk about the book club.
Karen Pelly: I thought the first rule of book club was, you don't talk about book club.
Lacey: That's fight club.
Karen Pelly: How do you know about fight club?


Their local paper is the "Dog River Howler," which consistently gets its headlines wrong and simply strives for sensationalism, even when talking about mundane things such as gardening ("Moosejaw lands NBA Franchise" "Hank Loses Dirty Hoe" "Hank is Physic"). 

And, whenever there is a mention of their rival town across the river, Wullerton, everyone in the scene spits in unison. 

So if you're looking for a good show that's funny, punny, and bright, "Corner Gas" is for you.  Enjoy these short clips and if you like this show, you might also like "Dan for Mayor," another Canadian import I surely will be writing about another time.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AkF3xaMVC3E

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-uCqrolfm1g&feature=related

YOU SUCK, M. & T.!!

Let us locals be!

You suck M & T!

I recently had a not-so-nice experience with my grandmother at a former Wilmington Trust branch.

For those of you who do not live in Delaware, one of the major local banks that we had, Wilmington Trust, was recently  acquired by M & T Bank in Buffalo, NY.  M&T bought Wilmington Trust for a bargain basement price and it has been the subject of much anger by locals who for many years have had assets with Wilmington Trust.

The merger has not gone so smoothly and M&T has gone back on its word.  Initially it was going to keep the name Wilmington Trust for the benefit of the locals, and to show that a national bank cares about regional loyalties.  Well, all Wilmington Trust's names are completely gone, and the gaudy green and yellow lettering of M&T now adorns every branch and ATM.  Except, that is, for the one in my school cafeteria.  Perhaps M&T does not care about educational institutions?   That last comment was sour grapes.

Furthermore, during the "merger week" a little while ago the delays at the branch in Fairfax that I went to were so significant that my grandmother and I waited 30 minutes to be seen for someone.  What did we need? 

We needed a Signature Guarantee (a.k.a. Medallion stamp) in order to change an incorrect social security number on an account.  By the time we got our turn, we waited another 15 minutes only to be told that they had lost the Stamp.  Seriously?? 

We had to come back a second time to get the guarantee, and were in the office about 15 minutes.  But what was astonishing is that of the five people they had in offices besides ours the second time, all were STILL with the same people as when they started, and the line kept getting longer. 

The incident I'm talking about, though, occurred this past Friday.  And L, the teller, you will get a written complaint filed against you the next time I am in your branch. 

Most people are sympathetic, if not empathetic based on their own experiences, with older people.  Not L, the bitch from Buffalo.  Normally I accompany my grandmother to the teller window in case she needs anything.  I did not this time as she told me to grab a seat and wait for her.  All she was doing was cashing a check.

She was at the window longer than I expected so I looked over and heard L tell her that she needed to date the check.  L said "You need to go over there to the desk to get validated," and looked down, clearly done with the situation.  When my 90-year old grandmother followed that up with a "Which desk do you mean?" as there are several offices and some desks outside of them, this smarmy women said "I told you...go to the desk to get validated."  She waved her hands and pointed toward Lord only knows where, clearly done.

This irked me, but I got up to help my grandmother find this mysterious "desk" that this middle-aged burnout scallywag had mentioned.  When we were walking away from the teller, L took the next person in line and let out a peel of laughter, asking, "You're not with that weird lady there, are you?" clearly referring to my grandmother. The customer just looked at her.

I was starving and we were going to lunch afterwards so I wanted to get out of there, but now I was determined to say something.  When my grandmother came back to another teller to cash the check, now dated, I got in line behind her and went up to L.

She did not call next in line or say "I'll be with you in a minute."  She sat there looking down; she wasn't writing, she wasn't doing anything.  Then she looked up and said in a nasally voice (she sounded like Muriel Goldman from "Family Guy"), "I guess I'm ready for you now."  Really lady?  You guess you're ready for me? 

Me: "Is there a reason you made my 90-year old grandmother walk over to your office area with such nebulous directions?"

L: "I assure you (snort), I don't know who you're referring to."

Me: "My 90-year old grandmother, at the teller window next to me."

L: "She didn't date her check."

Me: "And you couldn't have asked her to date it there in front of you, like I've seen other banks let people do?"

L: "Sir, I assure you we are not allowed to do that, sir."  It sounded like someone was pinching her nose every time she slobbered out some words.

Me: "Well, that's a bunch of bull.  But regardless, you could have asked someone to come over to see her as you can see she is older.  Or better yet, you could have walked her over or asked someone else to do it for you."

L: "But she didn't date her check."

Me: "Not the point.  Is there something wrong with you?  You can see she's older.  Why were you so rude and dismissive? "

L: "I don't think I was (EDITORIAL COMMENT: TRUST ME, SHE WAS), but if you'd like an apology I apologize."

Me: "Uh-huh.  I've seen you around and you've seen us here before.  You know the accounts that she has and I know you've waited on her before."

L: "I just came here last week (LIAR!) but I apologize sir if you thought I was rude."

Me: "Uh-huh.  Whatever."  And I took my grandmother and left. 

Normally I don't worry about people like that.  Assholes will be assholes.  But to make fun of my grandmother to another customer (which I didn't bring up but will next time) means that you have a misplaced inflated sense of self.  It means you think it's ok, in a business setting, to do that.  Loudly. It just pissed me off.

Clearly L is not used to dealing with older people.  Perhaps her parents died when she was young and she doesn't know that you are supposed to be patient with your elders.  Or perhaps she didn't have a mother or father at all and was spawned from the miasma of all that is wrong with the world.

Either way, she lacks social skills and is a poor representative of M & T, the bank that is supposed to be helping seamlessly usher in an era of change for Wilmington Trust customers.

I can assure you, though, that once we get all of the issues settled with the old Wilmington Trust accounts, they will be losing a significant customer. 

You're so flat the walls are jealous!

Such is a biting insult from one Joey Jeremiah to a girl on the swim team in an episode of Degrassi Junior High. Typical guys, right?

For the past 31 years in Canada, the United States, and around the world, the television program "Degrassi" has been airing in some form.  First there was "The Kids of Degrassi Street."  Then "Degrassi Junior High" and "Degrassi High."  Now we have "Degrassi: The Next Generation."  The show is a trailblazer and has been hailed by critics and viewers alike as groundbreaking, realistic, and extremely insightful into the problems faced by teenagers then and today.

The original cast of 90210

While the cast has changed, the problems have remained the same.  Nothing is off the table for these Canadian students who navigate the halls of Degrassi Community School.  Abortion.  AIDS.  Substance Abuse.  Sexuality. School shootings.  These themes and topics have been dealt with on American television shows like "One Tree Hill" and "Beverly Hills 90210," but never in such a realistic manner.

The original series followed Caitlin Ryan and Christine "Spike" Nelson along with a host of other characters including Joey Jeremiah and Archie "Snake" Simpson.  For the next generation of Degrassi, the child Spike has on the original show being of high school age is the impetus for the program.

Caitlin Ryan, played by Stacie Mistysyn

Aaron Spelling was so enamored with Degrassi, its characters, and themes, that he wanted to buy the American rights to it but co-creator and executive producer Linda Schuyler, a former Canadian teacher, said no.  That's when Spelling decided to make "Beverly Hills 90210" with 20 and later 30 year olds portraying high school and college students.

The new cast of 90210.  Kind of like when they made a new Degrassi.  Pattern anyone?

Those of us who grew up with 90210 remember that the problems were overdramatic and that the the age of the actors playing the characters was always a running joke.  Not so with Degrassi, where teenagers who are actual teenagers portray the students.  For a Canadian show the acting, writing, and production value are actually pretty good.

Claude, rejected by Caitlin

The series has never shied away from controversial topics. In the episode "Showtime, Part 2," a depressed student commits suicide after being rejected by a girl and is found in the bathroom by another student. This shocking episode resonated and struck a chord. It began a national dialogue both in Canada and the United States, and awareness of depression in teens was finally discussed as a real problem. Use of suicide hotlines and other resources to help teens with depression skyrocketed.

"Degrassi Talks" hot button issues and consequences for teens.

In two other episodes, one in "Degrassi High" and more recently in "Degrassi: The Next Generation," two of the characters both decide to go through with abortions. Both episodes did not initially air in the U.S., but eventually aired in severely edited forms that detracted from the gravity of the situation. The latter show's episode depicted the girl who went through with it as showing no remorse, another comment on morality. 

That's not to say the show is not without its funny moments.  It can be lighthearted just as quickly as it can get serious.  But the writing is great and it's a show that offers great lessons without commentary and without being preachy.  It's a great show so check it out.  It airs on TeenNick and the CW. 

Lastly, interesting Degrassi trivia:

Aubrey Graham (aka Drake), Shenae Grimes, and Lauren Collins ("Paige Michalchuk")

Notable Degrassi alums: Drake ("Jimmy Brooks," played by Aubrey Graham); Shenae Grimes ("Darcy Edwards" on Degrassi; "Annie Wilson" on 90210), and Nina Dobrev ("Mia Jones" on Degrassi; "Elena Gilbert/Katherine Pierce" on The Vampire Diaries).

Kevin Smith is also a huge Degrassi fan and references it in his movies.  For example, in "Mallrats," Shannon Doherty's character is wearing a Degrassi jacket.  In "Chasing Amy," Jason Lee's character says he would rather stay in watching "Degrassi Junior High" rather than going out, and the scene in the rain between Joey Lauren Adams and Ben Affleck is a reference to the end of the Degrassi episode "Twenty Bucks."

Finally, Kevin Smith and Jason Mewes did a three episode arc on Degrassi TNG entitled "Jay and Silent Bob go Canadian, Eh?" 

Foxy Knoxy the Femme Fatale?

For the past four years, the Italian media have been riveted by the story of Amanda Knox.   If you don't know who she is by now, she is an American student who was studying abroad in Perugia, Italy, and was accused of the murder of her British roommate Meredith Kercher back in 2007.

It was also just announced that the verdict in her appeal has come in and will be read at 3:30 p.m. ET today.  While the Italian media have been all over this case like white on rice, the American media have been more restrained in their coverage of this story and I'm not sure why. 

Here we have an American student in a foreign country accused and subsequently convicted of murder who gets her appeal decision today.  Yet our media, while covering the story slightly more now that the appeal-reading nears, seems to treat her as an afterthought.  Yes, there are articles written about her every so often, but they merely remind an American populace who has forgotten her that "Oh yeah, that poor girl in Italy.  Glad that's not me."

I'm just surprised there is not more outrage in the U.S. If Amanda Knox were an American on trial in China or North Korea on charges of espionage, certainly someone from the Obama administration would have stepped in to negotiate for some sort of deal, even if that did not mean full release but a tempered jail sentence.   I have yet to hear anyone of any political clout comment on the trial, save for Maria Cantwell, Senator from Knox's home state of Washington. 

Below, the other players, from left to right: Briton Meredith Kercher, convicted killer/accomplice Rudy Guede [an Ivorian national], Rafaelle Sollecito [also convicted and in jail awaiting appeal; former boyfriend of Amanda Knox], and last but not least Foxy Knoxy as she has been dubbed by the Italian media.

The story itself, although gruesome, is fascinating because it appears that what actually happened to Mererdith Kercher (if I hear the phrase "killed during a sex game gone awry" one more time I've had it) remains unknown.   This case has everything from alleged bungled police investigation, alleged police brutality, and a media whose newspapers are allowed to portray whatever headlines they want with little regard to facts.

It appears that the judges in the case accepted the prosecution's version of events because they fit their views of what happened.  Certainly if nothing else a spotlight has been cast on the Italian justice system and its criminal investigative unit.

Regarding the criminal investigation: it seems clear that there was contaminated DNA evidence from the start and that there was a 47 DAY DELAY in obtaining DNA samples.  Furthermore, defense expert witnesses have argued that the analysis of the DNA evidence did not match internationally recognized standards and that there was not even enough DNA from Knox on the knife (the crux of the prosecution's case) to be correctly tested. 

All of this evidence was laid out by the defense before Judge Giancarlo Massei, Deputy Judge Beatrice Cristiani and six other judges at the Corte D'Assise of Perugia.  These arguments were rejected and Knox was convicted. 

And now, a little did you know... with regard to the Italian legal system (thanks, Wikipedia). The defense has limited access to prosecution documents during the discovery period.

-The jury is not sequestered.

-The "burden of proof" lies with the defense.

-Only witnesses must be under oath.

-There is no lay jury but rather "professional jurors" like in much of Europe.

-A simple majority of jurors is all that is needed to convict.

-The prosecution is allowed to use character defamation in court to try to make its case (Knox has been called "she-devil," "slut," and as recently as yesterday, "Jessica Rabbit" as the prosecution tries to paint her as a drunk, oversexed femme fatale). 

-An admitted, homeless heroin addict who helped link Knox to the crime has been a star witness in other trials in Italy.

-The prosecution used an animated cartoon depiction of events to show what they think happened in closing arguments.    

As much outrage as there was about Casey Anthony or OJ Simpson, they got a trial by jury of their peers, regardless of what anyone thinks about the result.  Sure, some will argue that the jury got it wrong in both of these cases.  Juries have made other mistakes in the past.  But in America, this is more the exception than the rule.

Apparently there exists no concept of reasonable doubt in Italy, and jurors there can read the tabloids to their heart's content during the trial phase. 

Is this a trial, or a TV show with different guest stars?   Here's hoping the appellate court gets it right this afternoon.

UPDATE: HER IMMEDIATE RELEASE WAS ORDERED PER A NOT GUILTY VERDICT...FOUND GUILTY ONLY OF SLANDER BUT GETS TIME SERVED.