Airplanes over Deacon's Walk

It's been said that movies try to prepare us subconsciously through subliminal suggestion to accept future events before they occur.  This way, the events will not seem as much of  a shock to us. 

Take 9/11.  Conspiracy theorists claim that some of the perpetrators had Illuminati ties and had foreknowledge of the event.  It was even allegedly referenced in movies, particularly with analog clocks, dates, and other appearances of the digits.  Again, pure speculation. I've no idea if it's true. Below is a screen capture of the episode "The City of New York Versus Homer Simpson" from 1997.

Similarly, people argue that the prevalence of alien invasions/contact made in science fiction movies is trying to subliminally tell us that this type of event will occur some day.  Again, whether this is true, I have no idea, but it certainly is interesting to ponder every once in a while.

That brings me to the title of this post, airplanes over Deacon's Walk.  For those of you who do not know, Deacon's Walk is the name of the neighborhood in which I live.  I have a great house that overlooks the Pike Creek Valley and I can see a long way from my deck.  The sky is open, and it's a great place to relax especially now that it's getting warmer. 

However, for the past six months, something odd has been going on in my neighborhood. Something strange. Something no one talks about. But the question is: do people notice? I think they must, given the in-your-face nature of what happens. People are for the most part home at 8 pm or 9 pm each night. So what gives? (This is what it looks like)

I have a legitimate question about what the hell these things are flying over my house every now and again towards the end of each month.  My brother has seen them.  My neighbors have seen them.  And when I researched them, other people have seen them too.  But no one knows what they are.

They fly low.  They are triangular.  They have four lights on them and if they were exact triangles, they would have one in each vertex, along with one in the middle of the interior. Unless you are standing directly below them, they are silent.  They can rise, however, very quickly.

These planes (I think they might be military, as Dover Air Force Base isn't too far away, nor is New Castle County Airport) fly extremely low and the first few times I saw them I felt like they were going to crash into one of the houses or my own.  I would say that they fly about 500-600 feet off the ground, which from a deck or an upstairs bedroom is slightly scarier. 

The pattern for the past six months is that they fly low and circle the neighborhood (not just the city of Newark, say) three or four times before they vanish.  I've seen them completely disappear on a cloudless night once.  I don't know if it's ever the same plane.  Sometimes the lights look a little different. 

I don't know what they are but it's very creepy.  After the once per month that we see them, they are gone and I forget about them.  But I do know for a fact that in January, February, and last night the same type of thing occurred.  Low flying.  Circling.  Gone.

In fact last night my brother asked if I saw a huge plane on my way home.  Truth is I did, and I slowed down my car to get a better look at it.  It was dark but I saw the distinct triangle and light pattern I'm familiar with from other times. Then I saw it once more after that from inside the house.

What are these things?  Why do they fly so low?  Does anyone know what I'm talking about?  If so, let me know your insights.   

I Died, So Now What?

So now you're dead.  What happens next?  Well, it depends how well you planned ahead.  Whether you know it or not, you have inevitably changed the course of your family.  I'm not just talking about the funeral, the tears, the baked goods from neighbors and friends, but the subsequent actions of your family on your behalf.

You're dead.  You don't care.  That's fine...just care enough when you're alive to get a will.  All morbidity and sad thoughts aside, get one.  It's fine to shove it away and never think about it again.  Unless you want to amend it, in which case by all means do.

From my recent experiences with deaths over the past few years in our family (immediate and extended), I think it's important to say a few things, regardless of whether only my eight followers read this and gain some insight. 

With the trailer being sold, and my grandmother, mother, aunt, and I finishing up the estate of my late stepgrandfather, writing about this (and it will be a study in contrasts) feels about as cathartic as if I had taken a sledgehammer to the mobile home myself.  Because that's how I felt, and still feel, when I think of that place.

In 2008, my grandfather, and later in 2009 my uncle, on my father's side passed away.  As I've mentioned in previous blogs and on my youtube channel (jackpbradley28, by the way, if you're interested), our family then had to deal with "the fallout." So have many, I'm sure, but I doubt many openly talk about it.  I don't know.  I'd like to think we did our best, but I don't know.  I offer my experiences for your perusal.

When we got down to the trailer, after my grandfather and later after my uncle passed away, we had an enormous amount of work to do.  The first question, with regard to my grandfather: was there a will?  The answer was no.  This meant a few things.  First, my grandfather who did not have one, did not care enough to have the foresight to realize that he would die someday, and others would have to "clean up" after him in terms of ordering his affairs.

Secondly, it meant that someone (my father, as it turns out, at the gentle prodding of my mother) would have to serve as administrator since my grandfather died in testate (without a will).  Do you know what else this meant?  It meant that all chattel, other real estate, and any other assets would be split four ways between my father, his two sisters, and his two brothers (one of whom would die a little more than a year later).

Not only that, but what about last wishes?  My grandfather ended up having his funeral mass in my home parish (somewhere he had never attended in his life) with a stranger saying his eulogy based on information from his relatives.  It's not that I resented him having his funeral at our church, but it was just weird.  It was a little embarrassing actually, to see our pastor speak about a man he had never met, simply because our pastor, John Hynes, was a good man.

St. Catherine of Siena, Wilmington, DE

The bottom line, though, is that our family had to guess at what my grandfather might have wanted, and we  had to clean out his home in Millsboro, DE, and organize his affairs.   What's worse, two years later, when my uncle died (he and my grandfather had lived in the same home), he didn't have a will either.  This means, to me, that despite the aggravation by my father at having to be administrator, neither he nor his siblings cared enough to make sure that we didn't have to go through a guessing at final wishes and a splitting of assets again by an administrator. 

So my father was administrator, part two. And it caused him just as much if not more aggravation than before.  There was no will from my uncle.  Again, we had to guess at his last wishes.  He funeral was not at St. Catherine of Siena, like my grandfather, but at St. John's nearby.  Had he ever attended St. John's?  No.  Had he ever previously met the priest who ended up giving his eulogy?  No.  As usual, weird, but we did our best. 

After my uncle died, then we had to go down to the same home and clean out his chattel.  It was a nightmare.  I was even there on my birthday once, with my brother, cleaning it out because they had left that much crap. 

The trailer, by the way, finally sold.  Yes, I did get paid for my services, as did my brother.  I felt well compensated; however, the fact that we had to do all that work in the first place, in addition to the work and aggravation my father had to deal with as administrator (twice!) is something I look back on and shudder.  It makes me ill to think about it.  Although, I am proud of us for getting it done and thrilled I never have to set foot in Millsboro ever again. 

But what it did teach me, however, was the importance of having a will.  A Health Care Directive.  A Power of Attorney.  It is absolutely necessary and after a second instance of having no will two family members in a row, my mom asked me to get one.  Yes, I did put it off, but I finally got one and I feel much better knowing my final wishes will be honored and that I have actually designated people in my family to receive monies and possessions after my death so there is no need for an administrator, only an executor.

Before you go through life either never thinking about it or putting it off until it's too late, get one.  It will be easier.  For mine, I called the firm that handled the closing when I bought my house.  They sent me a survey to fill out, and I did.  The will was written in a week.  I went in to the law firm, went through the will, health care directive, and power of attorney (only $450), signed it, and voila!  I've already done more planning for the future of my relatives after my death than two adults in their 60s and 70s had done their whole lives.  I'm not trying to sound high and mighty, but think of others.  Even if you think you don't need to get a will.

My sister Eileen, if she's reading this, is my executrix.  I have split my money and property equally between her and my brother per stirpes (meaning any offspring they have should they predecease me, receive my property after I am gone).  I then went on to name my cousins per stirpes should anything happen to my brother, sister, their offspring, or all three.  It's an easy contingency plan and it helps take care of future generations by leaving them something so they can make their lives better.  My parents have the same clauses in their wills for us.

Per stirpes


Finally, I have been working tirelessly to help finish the estate of my step-grandfather, in conjunction with my grandmother (executrix), mother, and aunt.  And as much as I was angry with him for the diversity and quantity of his assets, some large and some small, he did the will one better.  He established a living trust.  This is different from a will (although it can accompany it, as in his case) in that probate is subverted altogether.  Taxes are more lenient.  It is sensible and I applaud him because, although the task of putting together his assets and presenting them on the tax return was difficult, the end result was easier.

 The deaths of my uncle and grandfather were unfortunate, but the amount of work that was to be done sadly leaves me looking back on them as a bit selfish and lazy.  Sorry, but that's how I feel.  Furthermore, the fact that their family did not encourage them to get wills, nor did they help us in any way with the cleanup of the trailer (I'm looking at you, children of Pop-pop, excluding my father).  But lest I get angry again for no reason let us move on.

Wills are great to have because your final wishes will be honored.  It means you care enough about your family to make sure they have some (however small) financial stability in the future.  Trusts are even better.  As I part, I offer these last bits of advice.

1) Get a will, power of attorney (so someone can act for you in the event of your incapacitation), and health care directive (to avoid a Terry Schiavo situation).

2) Make a trust, if possible.

3) Keep your house in good order.  Even though you might be dead, your relatives will resent it if they have to clean out every single bit of stuff you have because you were too lazy to throw out those stacks of old magazines, those cans you were saving but never got around to recycling, those old shoes you didn't wear but had just in case, or whatever it is. 

4) Always be eliminating what you don't need.  Don't let it pile up.  If you die and you're related to me, I will be angry with you.  I will curse you under my breath, and out loud when no one is around. 

5) Keep track of your assets and put passwords and bank account numbers and other pertinent information somewhere hidden, but somewhere someone could find it if you suddenly ceased to exist.

Thanks for reading!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hn7KMIoU6NU&feature=relmfu

Who Wants a Clean House?

The other day, I got a short email from my father telling me that "the trailer" had sold. The trailer refers to the place owned by my grandfather and uncle. Both have now passed away. Our family "inherited" this trailer in Millsboro, DE, aka Nowheresville, and all of the work associated with it, after the passing of my grandfather in 2008.

I will say this: when I think of the trailer all I think is ugh. It had always been half finished and messy to me.  We used it as a home base sometimes to go to the beach when we were growing up.
I had not been in almost ten years (as I went to college and grad school in MA), and when I went to help my uncle with it after my grandfather had died, I was in shock. I am not one to throw labels around lightly, but it was clear my grandfather was a (mild) hoarder/pack rat/clutter bug. It was not as extreme as the cases I have seen on the TV shows "Hoarders" or "Clean House," but let us say that Niecy Nash would not have been pleased with all of the foolishness.

I can't even tell you all of the trips we made to the dump with useless clutter saved for no reason, and the tons of cleaning up we had to do. Want to know what is even worse? Two years later, when my uncle died, we had to go back. History had repeated itself. I was angry and hurt.

Work began anew and after countless time spent there removing clutter, mounds of unopened mail and catalogues, I had had it. Never one to be a clutter bug, I threw myself head on into the project of who could get rid of the most stuff.

Envelopes, mail, expired medicine...you name it, it was there. We finally got the house ready to sell and it was a job well done, especially by my brother Dennis, who was there more than I was doing all kinds of tasks to make it more saleable. The times I was there I often ran into opposition from my father as to what could be thrown away, so eventually I stopped asking and just tossed what I knew to be useless.

It had been on the market for almost a year and a half or so with few offers, some insulting. But we finally got one for real the other day and the process to eliminate this burden from our lives was underway. To say I am ecstatic is an understatement. We worked long and hard and when I say we, I mean my father, mother, brother and myself. My cousin Brendan on my mom's side even came down a couple of times and helped us with various tasks.

Now those of you who know me must be thinking, hey Jack, what about the three able-bodied siblings of your dad? I say to you, remember the fable of the little red hen. Who will help me clean this trailer and prep it to sell? Not us. Ok, now that it is done who will help me reap the rewards? We will.

They did not help us clean it out, and what is worse, all (including my father) had been there several times over the past ten years and did not (want to?) recognize what was going on. They were compiling some of everything. Towels, pans, sheets, dishes, or new unopened cabinets sitting on the floor.  It was all there. Did I mention that there were at least 10 black bags overflowing with cans sitting in the shed? It infuriates me to think about everything we got rid of but if you want more details you can ask me.

But now that the hard part is over, I am thrilled. And in parting let me offer you this: if you have relatives who are older, don't just call them on the phone or visit them once in a while. Observe when you visit. Is there an inordinate amount of clutter or other useless items? If you care about them you will intervene now to save a headache for later. Chances are, you will deal with someone older in your family who dies, and it will fall on you to clean out their old possessions.

Do it out of love. Don't let things get out of hand. Don't turn a blind eye because it's easier. Trust me. You will be responsible at some point for cleaning out the living space of someone in your family. And if you can make life easier on yourself by starting now, do it. Your angle can be that you're trying to help anyone older in your loves live more healthily. It doesn't have to be a showdown.


Finally, get a will made. My grandfather and uncle did not have one. No one stepped up except my dad to be administrator for my grandfather after he died. It was a pain and despite this, it didn't inspire my uncle to get one, or even change his beneficiaries.

Two years after the fact, the beneficiaries on his accounts were my grandfather who had already been dead for two years. It did not mean enough to him to change his accounts to have say, his only niece and nephews on those accounts so that they might have some money to invest later on in life.

Get a will, for yourself or your parents or whomever, and spell out your preferences. Think of the future of your children or other young relatives you have who may need some money later on, especially in this economy.

In your own life or those of older relatives, if you or they haven't used something in two years and justify keeping it by saying "I will use it someday," I doubt you will so get rid of it now. Pretend you're moving. Would you really take it with you?

  Tomorrow?  I write about the exciting return of