The other day, I got a short email from my father telling me that "the trailer" had sold. The trailer refers to the place owned by my grandfather and uncle. Both have now passed away. Our family "inherited" this trailer in Millsboro, DE, aka Nowheresville, and all of the work associated with it, after the passing of my grandfather in 2008.
I will say this: when I think of the trailer all I think is ugh. It had always been half finished and messy to me. We used it as a home base sometimes to go to the beach when we were growing up.
I had not been in almost ten years (as I went to college and grad school in MA), and when I went to help my uncle with it after my grandfather had died, I was in shock. I am not one to throw labels around lightly, but it was clear my grandfather was a (mild) hoarder/pack rat/clutter bug. It was not as extreme as the cases I have seen on the TV shows "Hoarders" or "Clean House," but let us say that Niecy Nash would not have been pleased with all of the foolishness.
I can't even tell you all of the trips we made to the dump with useless clutter saved for no reason, and the tons of cleaning up we had to do. Want to know what is even worse? Two years later, when my uncle died, we had to go back. History had repeated itself. I was angry and hurt.
Work began anew and after countless time spent there removing clutter, mounds of unopened mail and catalogues, I had had it. Never one to be a clutter bug, I threw myself head on into the project of who could get rid of the most stuff.
Envelopes, mail, expired medicine...you name it, it was there. We finally got the house ready to sell and it was a job well done, especially by my brother Dennis, who was there more than I was doing all kinds of tasks to make it more saleable. The times I was there I often ran into opposition from my father as to what could be thrown away, so eventually I stopped asking and just tossed what I knew to be useless.
It had been on the market for almost a year and a half or so with few offers, some insulting. But we finally got one for real the other day and the process to eliminate this burden from our lives was underway. To say I am ecstatic is an understatement. We worked long and hard and when I say we, I mean my father, mother, brother and myself. My cousin Brendan on my mom's side even came down a couple of times and helped us with various tasks.
Now those of you who know me must be thinking, hey Jack, what about the three able-bodied siblings of your dad? I say to you, remember the fable of the little red hen. Who will help me clean this trailer and prep it to sell? Not us. Ok, now that it is done who will help me reap the rewards? We will.
They did not help us clean it out, and what is worse, all (including my father) had been there several times over the past ten years and did not (want to?) recognize what was going on. They were compiling some of everything. Towels, pans, sheets, dishes, or new unopened cabinets sitting on the floor. It was all there. Did I mention that there were at least 10 black bags overflowing with cans sitting in the shed? It infuriates me to think about everything we got rid of but if you want more details you can ask me.
But now that the hard part is over, I am thrilled. And in parting let me offer you this: if you have relatives who are older, don't just call them on the phone or visit them once in a while. Observe when you visit. Is there an inordinate amount of clutter or other useless items? If you care about them you will intervene now to save a headache for later. Chances are, you will deal with someone older in your family who dies, and it will fall on you to clean out their old possessions.
Do it out of love. Don't let things get out of hand. Don't turn a blind eye because it's easier. Trust me. You will be responsible at some point for cleaning out the living space of someone in your family. And if you can make life easier on yourself by starting now, do it. Your angle can be that you're trying to help anyone older in your loves live more healthily. It doesn't have to be a showdown.
Finally, get a will made. My grandfather and uncle did not have one. No one stepped up except my dad to be administrator for my grandfather after he died. It was a pain and despite this, it didn't inspire my uncle to get one, or even change his beneficiaries.
Two years after the fact, the beneficiaries on his accounts were my grandfather who had already been dead for two years. It did not mean enough to him to change his accounts to have say, his only niece and nephews on those accounts so that they might have some money to invest later on in life.
Get a will, for yourself or your parents or whomever, and spell out your preferences. Think of the future of your children or other young relatives you have who may need some money later on, especially in this economy.
In your own life or those of older relatives, if you or they haven't used something in two years and justify keeping it by saying "I will use it someday," I doubt you will so get rid of it now. Pretend you're moving. Would you really take it with you?
Tomorrow? I write about the exciting return of 
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