The Pussification of American Men

I will be the first to admit that I am not the manliest man in the world.  However, I am getting better.  I also realized that, compared with American males of Generation X, I'm actually not all that much of a wuss. 

I don't know what it is about American society today, but guys have definitely lost some macho mojo.  I'm not saying that every guy has to go to work manual labor every day, come home and eat a bloody steak for dinner, and then go play pick-up basketball at the courts up the street.

I am referring to assertiveness, both in groups and individually.  That seems to be a lost art among men of my generation.  Again, I am not the most assertive person ever, but I am making efforts to get better at it.  Assertiveness also has to do with the ability to make decisions.  In groups, no one likes the asshole who says "We are doing X.  Anyone who doesn't think we should can stay home.  And I drive or else no one does."  Nobody likes that person.  In those situations, gently suggest, and discuss. 

I also am talking about being assertive with your own problems.  Don't ask someone else what they think you should do, unless you truly need a second opinion and it's something big.  Guys annoy me with this one, particularly since I work in a community college.  I overhear conversations between guys all the time: "Oh, my girlfriend got mad at me when I didn't remember our anniversary.  Like, what should I do?" How about, man up and make up for it? 

Think about the problem or situation, assess strengths and weaknesses, and make a decision that is best not only for you but also others affected by such a decision.  Perhaps some of this inability to make decisions by men of my generation stems from the fact that fathers did not instill these ideas in their children from a young age, or perhaps my generation failed to learn by example.

                                                                       Take my grandfather Howard, for instance.  Now there was a man's man.  He taught me many practical things as a man that I should know.  He taught me how to change a tire.  How to fish.  How to be polite when interacting with others but also to be firm when you need to be.  He taught me how to hunt, and he helped teach me to play golf.  He also tacitly taught me the importance of how to make a decision and be ok with it.

When I was in fifth grade, I had forgotten to bring my gym clothes at school.  He was the only person I could call because everyone else was busy.  I called him and explained the situation.  I asked if he would bring me my clothes because otherwise I would get a non-participating grade for the day.  I poured on the charm and he came back with a calm, big, fat no.  He explained that he and my grandmother had other plans that day elsewhere, and he could not.  He was firm but nice.  And in hindsight, I'm glad. 

But more importantly: I manned up, admitted I made a mistake, and moved on.  He helped show me that it was my own fault and not a big deal in the long-run of life. 

Nowadays, though, everything is always someone else's fault.   It makes me angry.  With many guys today it's always "But I didn't know..." "Well, someone else told me X so it's their fault." "Well, you're the one who told me to..." It's awful, the lack of accountability.  And laughable.  Either their parents didn't teach them or they've been raised in a magical world where nothing is anyone's fault.  MAN UP!



Most guys these days don't have los cojones to admit that, gasp, they might have done something wrong.  God forbid.  Again, I don't know whether this is because baby boomer generation men see things this way, or if it simply certain people in my small worldview.  But admit your mistake.  Be more assertive.  A real man does not always carry the need to be right. Being a man means recognizing when we err, and taking our best lesson from the experience.

I have been teaching a new class for the past three weeks.  I took attendance one last time after an exam to make sure that I didn't mark anyone as a "no-show" (meaning the computer kicks them out of my class if I indicate they have not attended).  After I got through the list, a guy raised his hand and said "This is the eighth class we've had, and you didn't call my name yet." 

I answered, "I'm sorry I didn't call your name, but were you going to say anything?  Or were you just going to ignore it and let me mark you as a no-show?  So then once you found out you were a no-show, you'd make me fill out a form to readmit you to the class?" 

It was a tad bitchy yes, and the person didn't like it, but tough shit.  I admitted I made a mistake in not asking if there were any names not on my list.  But the lack of ability to speak up irked me.  If you went to a class where the teacher took attendance and your name wasn't called, wouldn't you say something?

Thanks for reading!